I am a sometime journal editor and (if I'm honest) failed would-be academic. I am from Wimbledon, London, and I am in my forties. We came to Denmark nearly two years ago. A long time ago I took a year out from work and went to the Middle East to see if I could manage it on my own. I meant to spend six months in Cairo, because it was an easy place to start, and six months in Istanbul, which I knew was incredibly wonderful. I never got to Istanbul (except on holidays). I wanted to study the Mamluk buildings I could see all around me, and I had the wherewithal to teach at the American University, so I started a diploma in Islamic studies, and then although I knew it was all taking too long I did the M.A. in Islamic Art & Architecture instead. By 1995 it was taking much too long, and I quit working to do the Arabic and the thesis full time. I also married Mark, who I'd met three years before on a downtown Cairo evening with some Danish friends. We met seeing an Adel Imam comedy called Terrorism and kebab. Bless him, he supported me through it all, and we found ourselves pregnant, and we had Laila, and I got finished some considerable time later. And then we had Zahra, and then we had Lina. I became a full-time mum, Mark got his Ph.D., his first proper job in the AUC History Department, worked incredibly hard and gradually became a real, good historian, good enough to get back to the real world. I was going to get an article published on Mamluk urban development. But I didn't. And I was going to get my Arabic back up to running speed again. But I didn't. Looking back, I was depressed. Despite the wonderful community of mothers, school and children, so active and rich and good for those children and so life-enriching, and something I will always be incredibly grateful for. Pity. The not doing things, I mean.
And we missed Europe, and wondered. Do we go home? Should we go home, is it conceivable not to go home at all ever? Isn't Cairo too little a pond, shouldn't we go back to the North again? After all we are Europeans. You can't go beyond a certain point with most things in Cairo. And we didn't want the girls to go through adolescence in Egypt. I wanted to go back to Europe, Mark wanted to go to the US, where most of his community is. Mark also missed Europe, but his Europe is Spain/France, where he partly grew up.
And then we took this job. I say we, because Mark is the most considerate person and we took the leap to come here together.
So: Mark is a historian at AU. We bought a house in a prosperous area not far from the sea, a lovely house with a dream of a garden. We'd never had a house, let alone a place with a garden that you can do old-fashioned things in. It was heaven. The children, Laila (12, in the green jacket in the bike ride pic), Zahra (8) and Lina (7), go to the folkeskole down the road. They can do the Danish thing. I have been doing the Danish thing and am getting there, but I've been slow. Why, for someone who can read and write Modern Standard Arabic? God knows, I don't. I've also been slow to face that I have to get on with my life. I am getting going now, and I want to get going fast.
Laila is seriously able, and is developing into an independent, mature person. She reads grown-up novels, and was ahead of her class at BISC in Cairo. Won't say any more on that subject. Zahra is very bright and is a very strong person. She is Out There. She's very active and plays a lot of football. Little Lina got in here at the børnehave stage and it was very good for her. So she is going up through the Danish system. I've finally woken up to teaching her to read FAST. All three girls should really be at school in English. Practical problems about that.
And I have made some friends here. I have two and a half wonderful Danish friends, and a wonderful non-Dane.
So that's us.
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I can understand your feelings about not getting something accomplished. I had always wanted to do my Ph.d but had to work after Uni. I am really happy that I ended up getting back to school and pursuing the Ph.d I wanted to do so badly before.
ReplyDeleteYour children sound lovely. Thomas and I hope to start a family ourselves as well. Its a matter of figuring out how to combine the long research travels abroad with the raising of children here. Unlike other foreign parents, you dont seem concerned about how a Danish education or upbringing might impact on their exposure. Many have shared their worries about the lack of diversity in schools and the non-English speaking environment.
Good to meet you!
ReplyDeleteYou've lead such an exciting life, but I bet you hear that a lot, don't you? Still, Cairo sounds like such an adventure.
Please don't fret about the language difficulties--Danish is impossible, almost everyone will agree. It's a little heartening to hear that someone with obvious talent at picking up languages can still struggle, actually!
Anyway, welcome!
Hi Lucy! Nice to meet you. :)
ReplyDeleteFellow editor here too (and copywriter and translator -- as I like to joke, together they make up one real job). I like your comment about the two and a half Danish friends. I sometimes count my Danish friends as 'halfsies' as well, though perhaps not for the same reasons as you do. For me, it's because they fulfil half the usefulness of one whole friend.
Ok, that's too many fractions for one comment. Glad to have you aboard, and talk to you soon. :)
Well. When we came, Paula, we thought we should go for the neighborhood school so that the children could just be ordinary, with their ordinary friends like them living around the corner. One of the bleughh things about Cairo is that it is *very* hierarchical and we were part of the elite. But it hasn't entirely worked out like that, as we're not really normal here.
ReplyDeleteAnd we were a bit naive. We thought that because we read books, the children's written English would be all right no matter what and that the basic education system would be okay. But it isn't really. There's not the slightest sign of anything approaching critical thinking in their teaching, even for Laila who's in 5. class. And they are losing their initial advantage over the Danish system. I think the Danish education system probably does catch up in the end, but not until they are 25. ? They should really be in an English-lge school, and the Engl-lge school is rather expensive. And Denmark has been so much more expensive than we dreamed it would. And, and.
Thank you, Fuzzy and Can't. It's just unimaginably nice to have the prospect of some people to talk to. - As you know, of course! Things could be decidedly okay, with some people to talk to. Oh gosh yes.
ReplyDeleteAfter writing all that today - which felt a bit like going to confession after years of inattention (spoken by a non-Catholic) - I felt so overwhelmed by gratitude towards the non-halfsie that I went out and got her a big bunch of flowers. So that's another good thing.
Welcome to the circle. I'm looking forward to reading more posts from you about your experiences settling in here.
ReplyDeleteDanish is bad, but not that bad. I speak it after 1 year of language course and now I use it at a regular basis since I'm working in a Danish government institution. Like everything else, it takes time to get used to.
Gratitude is one of the most wondrous of all sensations, isn't it? Not to sound all new-agey or anything, but it's certainly up there in the serotonin-generating department.
ReplyDeleteFunny, I cant find the comments page under your 'Danish numbers' post. Its hilarious! Danish numbers do terrify me yes.
ReplyDeleteAbout your last post, I kinda read and commented on it in a hurry, (while halfway putting a sock on and getting my lunch in order- you have mentioned that you think your children ought to be put in English school. Thats what concerns me a lot as well, and it leads to a bit of reluctance on my part to have children in Denmark.
I thnk it depends on a number of things. DK is a very strong unicultural environment for children of another culture/language to grow up in. Perhaps too strong, I don't know. We had our children inside another culture but it wasn't so homogeneous and was very porous, and also we were both from a similar background, so we could provide a strong world of our own at home. It would be harder if you and spouse had different first languages. But we actively enjoyed the children growing up speaking two languages, and I still perhaps very naively think that it's very good for them somehow. The payoff, if it comes, will be many years down the line.
ReplyDeleteIn some ways I think that DK is a very good place to have young children. Danes are very nice to little children and it seems quite traditional in this respect (good, in my book). The bornehaves can be absolutely lovely (Lina went to a gorgeous one, we all enjoyed it incredibly). But the key thing is what other women do. You couldn't stay at home with a small child after one here (which I would have wanted to), because absolutely no one else does, and being at home in DK is hell, in my experience. It all feels a bit kibbutz and forced socialization-like, the idea of plonking your baby off in an institution at one. BUT on the good side your career can be almost entirely preserved from the impact. And that's an awfully good thing.
I don't think not being taught in English really matters till you get to a certain point. Well, actually, seven (when school starts here). So I suppose I'm saying I think it's fine up till that stage, and could be enriching.
And in CPH I think there are more Engl-lge schools, I th at the normal private-sch fees level rather than the Int. Skole here. I wish we could get to CPH.
There, my thoughts.